"It's shooting up my stomach," she says as I stand there, hand on her shoulder completely powerless. The Vicodin puts her to sleep, the sleep disappoints me because she's fun when she's awake. Spontaneous is a word that is lost on us because Endometriosis rears it's ugly little head when the mood is just right. Endometriosis has demanded proper noun status because this Endometriosis is ours, it is one of a kind.
Caught in a conundrum we try to plan the rest of our lives around immovable objects standing in the way of intended happiness. The fights or arguments or disagreements or discussions become intense. Melissa is stronger than Endometriosis and is willing to fight. Fighting is havoc on the mind, body, spirit and soul. Fighting leaves you weary and unaware. Fighting leaves you vulnerable to other attacks. Fighting can cause you to confuse the existence of a true enemy.
I'm so in love with Melissa. I'm in love with the ball of fire that I moved next door to almost four years ago. I'm in love with the cute little green-eyed girl who chews her lip when she's nervous. I'm in love with the brown haired vixen who tries to prove to the world she's tough, when sometimes she's not. I'm in love with the tattooed rebel who desperately wants to conform. I'm in love with the seductive wife who's awkwardness is sexy and silliness is alluring. I'm in love with the mother who is going out of her way to prevent her daughter from feeling an ounce of her pain and who protects her sons from a sometimes overbearing father. I love Melissa, the patient. I love Melissa, the warrior. I love Melissa, the scared little girl who wants to show the world that she's doing her best.
The IUD has been placed with hopes that the medication inside of it will help subside the attacks. We wait patiently as the doctor explains the safest course to help us navigate to "normal" (whatever the hell that is.)
God is funny. He has made me powerless in the face of my wife's enemy so that I will remember who will be needed to defeat it. I pray. I pray constantly for the woman I love and the struggle she endures. I pray that He gives her peace and that He gives the doctor wisdom to make it better. I pray He gives me patience to understand that this fight is mine by proxy. I pray that He blesses this marriage for whatever purpose He has. I pray that He hears my prayers.
Through it all, loving Melissa is my joy, my pleasure, and my purpose. The only thing more pleasant than loving Melissa is being loved by God's most perfect work... Melissa.
